Cleaning up your act?

I think I am definitely a people-pleaser. It makes me cringe.

I'm finding my kids on Facebook and letting them add me. I'm over shying away from 'no workplace' on Facebook. I guess I can't do things by halves and when I let people in, I let them in! And my kids are definitely 'in' :) In fact, I asked my mum to make sure I was awake one day when I needed to get to the airport ridiculously early and she said I woke up sleep-talking about one of my students. *I kid you not.* He's the kid that eats 'chocolate chicken' for breakfast and he deserves a whole blog post unto himself. He crackes me up! Well, that and he makes me want to tear my hair out but seriously, the two emotions co-exist.

I really came here though to write about God-time. I find when I blog I veer from making it a journal to writing for others to indiscriminately talking to God. My blog URL has assumed an amorphous, flexible identity that probably doesn't help readership. When has that worried me? Answer - always. I think I am a people-pleaser who is conscientious about being herself. It makes me cringe. Trying to please people is okay, you know. I'm not shooting it down. It's what makes social interaction bearable for those socially awkward of us. It's also what makes relationships happen. It's something God wants us to do in our relationship with Him;. But the coinage, 'people-pleasing', verb and compound noun is something else. It becomes our driving aim in interaction, the process which creates and maintains a facade that is rarely recogisable as self... And the horrible thing is I do that to God too.

Anyone hearing me out there?

You know, you walk up to your chair with your Bible/computer/other books for God-time and you feel distinctly unworthy. Fact. It's like this creeping, gnawing sensation of inadequacy. It's fine. It's actually pretty normal when you're faced with the God of the universe, I should think. Except instead of humbling yourself and surrendering to this God who waits longingly for your heart, you decide it's too shaming to go present yourself that way before Him.

Ever had that important meeting with your boss or principal or supervisor? Or if you are the boss, ever had that important meeting with a client or a prospective partner? Or if you're the top gun, have you ever had to meet the cutest guy you've seen this week and you kinda sorta think he smiled at just you that time when you were all walking? Well, what do you do? You do what any red-blooded, twenty-first century female would do (yes, yes, I'm subverting the cliches just a little) - you wash up, make up, pull the skirt down to perfect angles, makes those shoes gleam and wish desperately that the fly-away hair will repent.

But no, scrub that. All those examples don't come close to the magnitude of meeting your Maker. That's right - face to face, in the privacy of your room. And whether you're in your pyjamas or in your best suit, you still have that familiar inadequate feeling. What do you do? You do what any red-blooded, 21st century person would do. You try and scrub up. You put your best foot forward... and fall slightly flat. Because what's different about God is that we're never going to match up. With all those other people, we sometimes forget to understand that we are precious and valued as much as anyone else and equally able. And then with God, we forget to understand that we are precious and valued and God makes us able. He gives us righteousness, because our own is like filthy rags. Yet the righteousness He gives us is impeccable. No, we don't have the satisfaction of making a blood sacrifice, inflicting pain upon ourselves (as some religious systems do for penance) but He actually finds us precious enough to redeem us for eternity. And because His kind of holiness and just pure goodness is impossible to match. I have got to accept that instead of trying pompously to better His offer.

And this is His offer:
He "is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy"... W-o-w. To This God be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ, now and forevermore!

And yet, so often, I just don't get it. Before I can come before God for my God-time that I so desperately need, I try to clean up my act. Unsuccessfully. Of course. God, forgive me for the many times when my misplaced sense of responsibility has prevented me from coming to you just as I am. Help me to accept your love without condition, just as it is given. In Jesus' name, Amen.